We Are All Dracula…

…when it comes to defending our significant others.

Netflix’s recent Castlevania is perfect. Sure it’s flawed in some banal areas, but the finished product has everything:

A whip that explodes when it hits demons.
Every human being has dramatic flare.
Dracula is super gloomy and pissed.
A mysterious mystical order.
Gorgeous action scenes.
Great one liners.
Witty one liners.
Bad one liners.
Testicle kicking.
Awkward voice overs…
…followed by awesome voice overs.
Fan fair.
A bitchin’ final fight scene.
The promise of more.

I’m sold entirely.

Episode One “A never ending life of hate.”

netflix-castlevania-draculaEpisode one sets up the series. Dracula is super pissed that a town burned a specific person at the steak for being a witch. He returns the favor by bringing the armies of Hell to the world to re-decorate town squares with the literal bowels of humanity.

10/10 would follow Dracula into the pit of despair.

Episode Two “Finding a tall tree to watch the show.”

Castlevania-Netflix-625x352Episode two introduces us to Trevor Belmont. Pre-Victorian era van Helsing, the Belmont’s fought the armies of the dark until the church was super annoyed with their ability to do so without controlling the public. He also introduces us to the stage and the players that will meet hilarious ends in the following episodes.

8/10 would follow Trevor into Dracula’s castle, but will most likely side with Dracula.

Episode Three *battle noises*

castlevania-netflix-goreEpisode three is very exciting as we’re treated with really cool fight scenes between Trevor, thief-priests, and angry townsfolk. Acrobatics ensue, eyes are shot out, and the vampire hunter returns to form. Very exciting.

9/10 would follow Trevor into Dracula’s castle, and would pause before siding with Dracula.

Episode Four “You didn’t know I was a magician?”
Episode four finishes up Trevor’s adventure of realizing he’s lame, decides to not be lame anymore, and to attempt to fight Dracula. Before leaving though, we find out he’s also friends with a magician while he fights demons and a vampire. The adventuring party is also complete and the road trip to Dracula’s begins… in x-amount of months!

9/10 would still follow Dracula but would pause when Lestat enters the room with Trevor Belmont.

Final Thoughts
Castlevania is fucking awesome and I want Netflix to do a Heavy Metal animated series. Adult animation is the best. You can do so many cool visual things with it. The series on Netflix has great music, the melodrama is on point, it’s fucking ridiculous, and it hits all the right nostalgic notes. There are editing problems (people leave from the left to enter on the left instead of the right, the focal point doesn’t flow from cut to cut as much as it could have) but it’s moot because Dracula is a badass, Alucard is in it, and Trevor Belmont is a beast.

Shut up and watch it.


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